Lately, I feel insecure in my environment. I feel insecure alone, with my partner, with friends, or random people. There are different factors and events which lead into this insecurity. It is all understandable and justified. But I don’t want to feel like this.
I feel overseen, non-important, weak and alone. This is triggered by me in first place. I might put some people on a pedestal and while looking at it I feel small and wrong. The others seem strong, self-confident, talented, knowledgeable and all in all: more precious than I am. It just crushes me to see, that the people I love, seem to play and live in another league. A league I can’t participate in. I feel excluded.
But I have to realize: I am the same worth. Even if the others seem “better”. I can feel included.
My insecurities come from my deep settled mantras: I am wrong, I am non-important, I am not allowed to show weakness, I must be strong.
They are there since my early childhood and change my perception on myself and my environment. And even now while writing this, I have a hard time to compliment myself. If I would help somebody else, I would probably say:
“Yes, there are people which are (physically) stronger than you. Have friends which appreciate them. People who are more knowledgeable than you are. And that is ok.
You are still being loved by a number of people. You are strong and knowledgeable as well. I could say now: you have other qualities. But this is not the point. The point is, that you don’t need to compare yourself with other people to feel precious or important. Compared to others (and trust me, there is always someone better than you) you might not climb as hard, ski, board, run, hike as hard. You might not participate in this society like others by “working hard”, “making money”, “moving mountains” or being helpful and courageous as others are.
However you are the same important as anybody else is in this world. Nobody is “better” or “worse” because of their achievements, nobody deserves to be put on a pedestal when at the same time somebody has to take a lower position. You believe in humanity and the precious individual, so include yourself! What is wrong with being “weak”? Why do you have to be “strong”? What would that change for you? Correct: nothing. You can focus on your own goals. These goals are there for you, so that you can grow and enjoy only for yourself.”
Mummy2 in Hylite with my loved ones